Yoga Journal: Contemplating Change and Energy

I am currently taking an online teacher training course and am loving it and inspired about finding out where I use my energy and why I feel in a funk.

Historically, we have always been questioning existence, like Plato and Aristotle, however now we are so turned on by so many external stimuli, it is more difficult to pull ourselves away from it all to and go inward. We feel ashamed, or at least I did, when I just spent time getting to know or just being by myself.

Now I thrive on it. Or at least I did, until recently when I got into a funk. And the personal inquiry slowed way down. So here I am to keep my self-accountable, and hopefully inspire a few of you on your journey too!

Today in class, it was discussed that in order to add new things into our life, we have to let go of something that no longer serves us. Which seems logical enough, but it gets trickier…

I am in the US for my first winter in two years, living in a shared (small) space, and learning to really snowboard. Days when we go, I feel really good, though I struggle with the anxiety of falling, the drive, getting hurt etc. The days that I don’t go, I feel lackluster. Mostly because I spend this time listing out all the things I could be doing better my life, new things I could do, things I want to create (like REALLY want to create). Then when it comes to doing, I don’t put into it the effort in which it requires.

Change is something that we actually have to DO. We can easily create a dream in our minds, that in reality is hard work and ultimately open to risk. So while we plan and dream away our lives, our actions speak louder than our words.

So then the question is why? Why is the dream so pretty and yet so difficult to go after?

I think that for many of us it is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of our lives changing. Fear of the unknown. Fear that we will mess up what we have now. Fear of judgment. Fear of being someone different than who we thought we were. It can make us anxious, habitual, stagnant people enclosed in a “safe space” that we create for ourselves. Which we may think is comforting, but it actually hinders our growth. We can be so worried about “loss” and “lack” that we taint the way in which we see life. Then we use our energy up in places that don’t serve us.

Instead, we can put our focus into looking inward and really get to know what is working with us and what is working against us. Ultimately, it is us that choose how our moments play out, so let us dig in and understand more. Let us be able to know and choose the best place for our energy.

Questions to explore where our energy has gone:

What am I grabbing onto, and afraid to let go?
What habits do I have?
What does releasing the habit do?
What takes up my time and how does it feel?
If it feels bad, why am I doing it?
Why am I afraid?
What do I lack?
Why am I fearful of losing XYZ?
How do I want to feel?

Maya Angelou said, “I did then what I knew best, when I knew better, I did better.”

I will be spending time on this topic over the next week. Journaling, meditating, practicing with it and figuring out what things are no longer serving me, and what things are.

This is work. Yoga is work. Yoga is the union of mind, body, and spirit and in order to move in that direction, we have clear out our lives of things that hold us back. We must be vulnerable, open, and curious enough to chase our personal freedom, the freedom that is already within us, NOW. To look into the haze, find the cause, and then release it from our lives.

It won’t be an overnight thing, but any gain in consciousness and where our energy goes is so powerful and worth it.

As we question and find out more about ourselves, we become increasingly more aware, mindful, raw and honest. We release the fear (obstacle, fear is just my key one) in order to move on, to move forward. Which is good, because we are already here now, and forward is the only direction we have to go.

Hope you have fun with the journal topic. Can’t wait ( and am scared to be vulnerable) to share what I find. Becuase my truth, however it ends up being, is mine. There is nothing there to be ashamed of. (p.s. I am working on the fear of judgment, so this being honest, it is difficult. But I AM TRYING) It feels good to say, at least I am trying!

Namaste,

Kahla